The magic in the middle….. of your bum cheek

My daughter said she loved me “medium”, then asked what medium meant. I told her that it’s not big, it’s not little, it’s just somewhere in the middle. It’s nothing flashy or exciting, it’s just average, bog standard, what may be considered ‘normal’, if there is such a thing. Thankfully for my emotional tank, she

The Dilemma of the Periplods

(plodding while on your period) I stand here all alone in the dark,  imprisoned with much time to think.  And because I’m ever expanding,  my prison soon starts to shrink.  The pressure starts to suffocate and extinguishes my fight.  This morning I was with my friends,  now in a tunnel with no light.  But what

What it means to be free

The pressure was all encompassing as I struggled to breathe; each tiny capillary inside my lungs seemed engorged. My respiratory system was shutting down under the immense weight from external forces as I submitted to the heavy burden that was slowly crushing my soul. I wasn’t drowning. I was sitting in my Ford Focus on

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The Theory of Pie

When I was about 8 years old I was mid-way through my lunch, a Scotch pie, when I saw some blood on the TV. I can’t even remember what I was watching. It was likely an animal programme where the vet was elbow deep in a pregnant cow. Anyway, despite my enjoyment of the pie

The ‘Take That’ Guide to Running

My sister and brother-in-law asked me to do a speech at their wedding a couple of weeks ago as “Best Maid”.  The best man, who was slightly shy, didn’t know if he was going to deliver a speech or not, so naturally I assumed I was taking on a percentage of the role in noising

Chasing the Unseen

Running and trying for a baby are strangely similar in that you are always chasing something you can’t see.  When the journey of the latter becomes too long, lonely, and fruitless, running can provide a casket of treasures to keep you teetering above the abyss.  However, it can also create an internal conflict which can

Hello Stranger

You say hello and I’ll say…..hello too! ‘Hello’ is a powerful word.  It’s only a little 5 letter word, but it can instigate a connection, a marriage, a lifelong friendship, a feeling of inclusion or simply cheer up someone’s day.  In fact, it’s so Goddam powerful that Adele made millions from it! Around £142 million

Nelly the Irrelevant

‘You f@*#ing imbecile’, ‘honestly, you’re an absolute muppet Morrison!!!!’ My inner voice was hard at work berating me for my latest DIY debacle.  Let me set the scene.  After almost a year of manoeuvring like a Peekytoe crab around the guest bed to reach my makeshift desk for work, I decided it was time for

Tinkle Woes

I knew that it was coming, it was no real, big surprise. I clenched my cheeks, crossed my legs, and tightened up my thighs. The sensation had presented itself, on the last half of my run. It didn’t overly concern me, it was only a number 1. As I crowned the hill towards my house,

Run Burn

Run Burn “She turned to the sunlight, and shook her yellow head, And whispered to her neighbour, winter is dead. A.A. Milne I absolutely love this quote from A.A. Milne.  It just feels like something that might enter everyone’s grey matter when they see the first glimpse of the daffodils emerging from their wintery beds.